11/4/07

TO Joe

"I’ve got to fold because these hands are just too shaky to hold,

Hunger hurts, but starving works when it costs too much to love..."

‘you’re crazy’ he says with a flick of spit and a point to his head. ‘you’re crazy’ I thought, my stomach like lead. I want, I dream, I hope, I try and I have a bad day..there’s only so much to do and not to do…barreling through eggshells like it will make…like I will make it…still…but instead I’m stiff with mucus, covered in slivers cut by shells that I broke. If only I wouldn’t stomp…if only I would tiptoe

over your ego, wedging myself between your insecurity and the scrutiny of an eye…unforgiving, ready to leap at the culprit, to notice the invasion into …? Explanation. I know not…the limits of who it is and was that you want me to be, that you expect me to be, could I be any more? Could I survive anymore, could I not love you anymore? Damned if I do and damned if I don’t –I guess you feel the same way…I think. I think.

If you loved me…why? Why, then this? Why am I the one choking down my own ribcage, turning inside out?

2 comments:

Dina said...

You are an amazing writer. Keep it up!

Christopher Neetz said...

... sometimes you have to be free and be yourself. Wish I could take my own advice.