Bag it (week 6)

From large kiddie-printed plastic, spill-proof duffles to a mini-bright red leather pit-purse, I have found one consistency: I carry junk. Old receipts, unopened bills, notes, gum wrappers, emptied old plastic baggies, and business cards stuff my bags to the brim, hiding anything of importance.

I once felt that the bigger the purse, the more potential I had of bringing with me everything I could and would possibly need. This is not true. The bigger the purse, the more junk I would acquire and carry. If I saw an unwanted grocery store add floating through a parking lot- I would snag it and stuff it, knowing my larger bag would allow for it. If I saw an excessive amount of litter at the playground, (an old Styrofoam cup, a plastic wrapped potato bun, mowed chew toy), I would bag it. If I found old cigarette butts floating on my basement apartment patio from an upstairs neighbor, I would bag them, and usually in the old plastic of another garbage item I had acquired. As a result, the larger bags became a problem. I understand that I had the opportunity to discard these items when presented with a trashcan. The problem was that I never did. I don’t know why. It’s embarrassing.

But amid the trash, I have some essentials: my wallet, my keys, a cell phone, a Swiss army knife, and a pen. I lose everything. I lock myself outside of my apartment at least once a week. And, I used to lock my keys inside my car regularly, until my brothers bought me a keypad for my door. I have lost my cell phone a ridiculous amount of times, not to mention left it on the roof of my car only to run over it. I have also lost sets of keys to the Grand Canyon, the Appalachians and a department store. I also enjoy leaving my purse, especially when it is full with a week’s worth of tips, in random locations. This week it was Q’doba.

Unfortunately, what I carry is also pertinent to the survival and comfort of my daughter. So, at all times, I must have an extra set of panties, pants, socks and shoes; a sippy-cup, baby-wipes, and hand sanitizer. These, being the most important items on my person, I usually never forget, or misplace.

I have always been disorganized. I use a one-section spiral notebook for up to six classes at times. I jam everything I ever receive from any professor in books and nooks and sometimes the very spiral notebook that is essential to my functionality. I lose papers, notes. Two years ago I started a planner. To this day I religiously keep up with what I need to get done, only I rarely ever look back, and usually resort to relying entirely on my memory. This can be a problem.

What I know of what I carry, or don’t, is that I am continuously scatter-brained, yet somehow consistantly conscious of my surroudings. I am often caught in contradiction, the butt of a joke when its about someone disorganized and spacy, or the provider of clean underpants to a freshly wetted child. I have it together, sometimes, but a lot of the time I don’t. I am in control, but there is much that I am not in control of. I have learned that frustration gets me nowhere, and that acceptance is key. I don’t always understand myself or why I do what I do, or why I have a tendency to make things ten times harder than they need to be. But, I do, and I learn, continuously.